Dads

I have not used this blog much in the last little while, but it is a convenient vehicle to use for some things, especially for opinions.  So, here is my opinion (actually just some thoughts) about dads, seeing as Father's Day is tomorrow.

I think sometimes dads get a bad rap when it comes to parenting.  It is true, by and large moms do most of the "tasks" associated with parenting.  Those moms who are trying to be known for more than their clean houses or their great dinners probably struggle with that, and spend their days trying to be supermom, the one who works full time outside the home AND has a clean house and makes great dinners. And it is true, someone has to do the organizing, and that is often the mom. Dads are more often stereotyped as being the bread-winners (yes , even today I am afraid) and are less likely to be thought of as competent when it comes to the child care.  It drives me crazy when I hear that a dad is "babysitting" his own children.  The implication there is that he is doing something extraordinary.  In our lives, the dads I know are very competent, and while they may not do the child care exactly the way the women would do it, it is done and the kids are fine.

So here is what I think about the dads in my life.

First, the dads who are no longer with us.  Yes, for them, caring for the children was difficult and not the ordinary thing they did.  They worked outside the home, they mowed the lawn, they fixed mechanical things, they drove almost always on trips (and usually in the city too), they gave advice occasionally, but only about work related things (not emotions), they were there, but were not the ones we went to first with a problem - that was mom.  But here is what else they did.  They showed by example how to live.  They deferred to mom as the one who really did have all the answers about life, if not about the VCR or the computer. They made sure we had what we needed.  They cheered us on no matter what we chose to do, but did most of that cheering quietly, on the sidelines.  They loved us unconditionally, but had trouble telling us that. They helped mold us into the humans that we are, with all our failings and positive attributes, because they too had failings and positive attributes.  Now, they live on in our memories, because we do remember them countless times, whether it is when we hear an older gentleman whistling a tune, or see a baseball cap, or see the waves come in by the dock, or have a near miss with a car and hear the words "As long as you are ok, a car can be fixed".  They are gone but not forgotten, and we miss them every day.

And now, about the "dad" with whom I live.  I am lucky to be married to a man I consider to be the greatest dad around.  He would be the first to tell you (and has said this many times), that I did all the parenting because he was never at home, but that is not true.  Yes, early in our lives, I did do all the stuff associated with parenting, and he was out coaching a lot, but that doesn't mean he didn't parent. He took us all on countless summer holidays, and did ALL the entertaining in the car while I read my book in the back seat.  He jumped in countless KOA pools with three kids hanging all over him.  He made sure we never had to worry about clothes, or food, or lessons, or just being happy.  Because he was, and is, happy.  I am moody, up and down, needing my "space" more often than not.  He is never happier than when he is surrounded by kids and grandkids or friends, and is the first to help out anyone at any time.  I don't worry about the future because I know how he cared for his parents, and I know that he will care for me the same way.  He loves openly, completely, and unconditionally, and for that I am eternally grateful.

And as to the three dads who are part of our immediate family, all I can say is BRAVO!  In each of these three fine men I see a new generation of dads, superdads.  These dads do it all.  They provide for their families, they get their kids to events, they coach and/or cheer, they volunteer at school, they built forts and teach bike-riding, they fish with their kids, they build fires and firepits, they look after pets, they keep cars running, and on and on.  Not one of these men "babysits" their kids.  They share the child rearing, and do it with joy and love that they are not afraid to express.  I am so proud to have them as my son and sons-in-law, and believe that they represent the future of parenting, because they are taking what has been done in the past and improving upon it.  I know that my grandchildren are blessed to have these men in their lives and that they will be safe through both the joys and sorrows of growing up.

So on the eve of Father's Day, I remember the dads we had and cheer on  the dads with us now.  We have so much to celebrate and for which to be thankful! Happy Father's Day to one and all.

Warrior Lily

So many of you who read this blog know about our granddaughter Lily's fight with leukaemia, but some may not. She was diagnosed in November, shortly after we returned from China. In the three months since that day that changed all our lives, Lily and her fight have been our number one concern and have consumed our waking hours (and have prevented many sleeping hours). Our daughter Heather, Lily's mom, writes a blog about the journey they are on far more eloquently than could I. If you are interested in what is happening, you can find all the details at

www.healthywholelily.wordpress.com

I guarantee you will find the details of Leukemia fascinating, and will see repeatedly why Lily is our warrior girl!

Finally in China

So, many of you readers will know that Ross and I had planned to teach in China before life threw us a curveball and we ended up spending 2011 going through surgery, chemo and radiation. Our dream of visiting China has now come true. We did not come to teach, but to learn, so we joined an Avalon/Globus tour and couldn't have been more pleased with the results. We began in Beijing on Oct. 4, then went to Xi'an, Chongqing, on the Yangtze for three days through the Three Gorges, then to Shanghai and finally Hong Kong. It has been a glorious three weeks, and I have had to pinch myself several times to convince myself that I am actually here. This is a trip of a lifetime, one I will never forget, and I am so lucky to be here.

The first time I pinched myself, on the Great Wall of China. It was also one of the few days the sun shone.

The terra cotta warriors in Xi'an were as magnificent as I had imagined they would be.

99 steps to the top!

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Our colourful tour guide at a stop on the Yangtze.

Shanghai night on the Bund.

Making a silk duvet.

Vicki Qin was our terrific tour director. She became a daughter to all 19 of us.

Seeing Hong Kong in a typhoon. This was a level three, and we were told not to worry until it got to level eight.

So tomorrow we go home, well satisfied that we have experienced the best China has to offer. A dream has been realized.

I don't get it

As I write this I am sick at heart. This afternoon, I received a phone call that our church had been broken into, some things stolen and some damage done. The person calling had done all the necessary things, called the police, the insurance firm, cleaned up the mess and boarded up the windows before he called. But I had to see, so I went. What I saw broke my heart.

No one would call John Black a beautiful church. It was built in an era when lightly stained wood and high ceilings were avant guarde. There is very little in the structure itself which is an adornment, especially when compared to the churches and cathedrals we have seen in other parts of the world.  So what was done does not destroy beauty so much as it destroys comfort and calm.  The one stained glass window visible to the outside, a depiction of the birth of Jesus installed to commemorate the 75 th anniversary of the church, was damaged when a pole from a street sign was hurled through it. It is hard to see how much damage there is because plywood now covers most of it. Plywood also covers one of the office windows.

So tomorrow, most of the people who come to attend the service will be shocked mostly because they will not be expecting what they see. I had to go tonight to prepare myself, to be ready for what is there. I had to try to work through the " why" of it all before tomorrow. In spite of the advance warning, I will not be at a place of understanding by tomorrow morning. That day may never come.

We try. We try to be good neighbours, we welcome all the groups that use the church building, we are thrilled that the daycare is here and wants to expand.  We welcome anyone and everyone. The only way I can make any sense of this is to think that it was random, senseless, fuelled maybe by a drug or drugs that made the people responsible less than rational.  To think otherwise, to even consider that it was an intentional, deliberate act is too hurtful.

John Black has been a church in this community for 102 years. It will continue to be so.

Camping, camping and more camping.

So, after the birthdays and camping with one family, off we went camping with the other two families.  First of all Cole and Lily accompanied us to Grand Beach for a glorious two days.  We had wonderful beach weather, and their mother and the cousins joined us for day two.  The next week we set off once again with our little pop-up trailer in tow, for Southern Ontario.  The two cousins from the east were happy to come with us to Fanshawe Conservation Area, with a side trip to Grand Bend (which quickly became one of my favourite spots in the world.  Who wouldn't love that Lake Huron beach?)

All in all I have to say that all of our grandchildren (well, not Aubrey yet, as she has yet to experience camping) are GREAT campers.  They don't care about dirt, cramped quarters, smoke in their eyes, critters (BIG critters in S. Ontario) -  as long as hot dogs and smores are on the menu, they are good to go.  I must admit, the four inches of foam on which we sleep is not as comfortable as it once was, and the up and down of the trailer is more difficult ( or at least more tiring) than it used to be, but all was worth it to see the happy faces.  We had great times hiking, swimming, splashpadding, crafting, even doing the dishes was fun! Thanks kiddies for indulging Grandma and Grandpa, and thanks moms and dads for trusting us with your precious children.  Memories are made of this.

 Can't go to the beach without donuts!

 Lego is always a hit!

 Yummy smores!  Marshmallows toasted to perfection!

 Token picture of Aubrey.  Even though she didn't get to go camping, I think she is my kindred spirit.  She spent much time just letting the sand run through her fingers, enjoying the texture of it.  Since sand in my toes is my favourite sensation, I think she and I are going to have great beach days together.

 Love the "angel hair"!

 Crafting with the playground ladies at Fanshawe.

 Time out to take Hannah to soccer.  She ran the entire game in 30 degree heat!

 Snow cones!

 Crafty bracelets!

 While Hannah and Grandpa were in the waves, Caitlyn and I had fun in the sand!

It was a quick visit, but a very successful one.  Hope we have many more.

So summer 2015 is drawing to a close.  After last year (our moving year) when we didn't get the trailer up at all, this was quite a departure.  Thanks kids!

Summer 2015 so far...

I haven't blogged for a while now, so I thought I would post a few photos for those of you who like to keep in touch this way.  So far the summer has been glorious, and much less hectic than was last year's summer, when we were waiting for a baby and packing up one house and moving to another.  This year is ....relaxed.

First on the list, a trip east (but still in Manitoba) to a great spot.  Splitting logs, attaching a hammock and cleaning the chimney were on the agenda.  Notice that I didn't do anything at all except take pictures!

Then it was off to Birds Hill Park, so that these two could experience their first camping trip.  They were great campers, and it helped that the weather was perfect.  We played games, read stories, did crafts, ate s'mores and popsicles and pancakes, and had lots of beach time.  We are looking forward to more camping with the others in the various families.

And the most recent events, two birthdays, one for the youngest in our immediate family (she just turned one) and one for the matriarch of the entire clan, who is turning 88 tomorrow, July 12.  We are so fortunate to have the birthday girls (and everyone else) happy and healthy.

And on a side note, we have had hazy skies here, due to the smoke drifting in from Saskatchewan.  This has resulted in interesting views of the sun.  Here are two from the last couple of weeks.

More news as the summer progresses.  Stay cool everyone!

The Mule Ride that Wasn't - or Molokai Adventure Part Two

So bright and early this morning we drove to the top of the world, at least the Molokai world, ready to start our mule riding adventure to Kalaupapa. It was a gorgeous morning, sun shining, light mist misting, and we were ready to ride. We met J.R. , the charismatic guide, and reconnected with Lulu and Nicolette, guides we had met by chance the day before. We got our receipt and told the other members of the crew all about the fact that my parents had done this ride many years before.  They brought the mules out, saddled and ready to go.

And then one of the worker's cell phone rang.

There had been rain the night before, and there was a problem on the trail.J.R. sent R.J, the 18 year old, down the trail a bit to see what was up. Soon he was back. Between switchbacks 3 and 4, the rain had caused damage.  The trail was gone. The National Parks people closed the park to everyone, hikers and riders. Our adventure was over before it had begun.

J.R. then expressed his regret, not only that we had missed the ride, but mostly because we would not get the chance to ride the trail, visit Kaluapapa, and be overcome by the sense of "aloha" (love) that he believes can save the world.  He talked for a long time about the dark time in Hawaii's history when they lost their aloha and condemned those with leprosy to be banished to live in an isolated spot with little or no support.  He compared the fear that Hawaiians had about leprosy to the fear people have today about Ebola.  He then talked about how the people of the world need to find aloha again, and said that he had enough for everyone.  He gave each of us a big hug, full of meaning, and we left feeling that we had indeed experienced something unique.

Will I ever get back to Molokai to take the mule ride?  I don't know.  I do know though, that I will remember being here even if I didn't get to Kaluapapa, and will try to go into the world with "aloha". 

This is as close as we got to the mules. The spotted one was earmarked for Ross, as it was a bit bigger than the others.

Kaluapapa from 1700 feet above.  We would have gone down and around 26 switchbacks.

These are the present day bumper stickers, and yes, we were given one, even if we didn't do the ride.

This is the car we rented on Molokai-NOT!

Last night's sunset from the beach in front of our condo.

And on that note, farewell Molokai.  We have loved getting to know you.